HUMOR

Yes, I Am Among The Damned: I Had A Pee Cup

It was either diaper up or do what I did

Daniel Williams
6 min readNov 20, 2021

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illustration by author

In college, I lived in what my family called the “college apartment,” a room above the attached garage. There was no bathroom, so when a fierce pee-need struck in the dead of night, I had to wander all the way to the bathroom in the house, a journey that scared me.

At the bottom of the stairs, I’d pass the steel door that led into the garage. I always held my breath and watched the doorknob, waiting for it to rattle when I got close.

Then I had to open the door into the house, a barrier that 100% concealed a tall, dead Victorian child.

After that, I had to walk through the entryway, the kitchen, then down the hall. There was a grate in the hallway floor, placed there to allow the cellar’s stove to share its heat. This also allowed the cellar bogeymen to send up long and grabby fingers, perfect for hooking around college ankles.

illustration by author

I did my best to walk this death march while heavy with pee, night after night, but the stresses eventually proved too much.

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Daniel Williams

A poverty-stricken, soft Batman by night. Illustrator and writing teacher by day. Previously: McSweeney’s, Slackjaw.