HUMOR
How Do You Love Me? Let Me Count The Ways For You
Now I know what it feels like to cradle a dead fox in my arms
The body lay in the middle of the road, the eyes shining white-green in our headlights.
My wife and I thought, Oh no, a cat. We thought, God, where WERE you? Everything is meaningless.
We passed the body and Mindy said, “I’m just going to pretend it was a raccoon.”
Though that made us sad too. What about a dead skunk? No, that’s also sad. If you get a baby skunk, remove the stink sack, then raise the skunk, it’s almost exactly like a cat, lacking only the adorable sociopathy.
“Let’s just pretend it was something with rabies,” said Mindy. “A goat.”
“Yeah, a goat,” I said. “Those horrible eyes. It doesn’t even need to have rabies with eyes like that.”
“I know. But this one has rabies. I mean it had rabies.”
We went quiet, waiting to see what our choice would do to our emotions. It did nothing. We felt nothing. Correction, we felt a little like laughing. Conclusion: The rabid goat was an excellent choice. We moved on immediately.
This happened in Maine. We were visiting Mom and Dad, which explains why it was possible for Dad…
