The truth will set you screwed — We had a math teacher in middle school whose dome of teased red hair was inspiring. It had a certain intimate look that inspired jokes. The jokes shared by guys and gals alike were essentially one joke: Mrs. Dow’s head does not grow hair. It grows pubic hair. Kids are…

I dreamed a dream I broke a bully — You wrote something. Drew something. You posted it and got 12 comments that boiled down to the same loveliness: “Nice. I like this.” You got one more: “Not nice. I don’t like this. I mean it, champ, you suck. I’m not just saying that.” MR. STEPHEN THE KING: If you…

Magic traveled down the piano’s roots — Dottie’s boy, Dove, was born with eleven fingers, though no one knew it until he opened his mouth. The eleventh grew beside his tongue. When he learned to talk, which took a very long time, the words he made with his tongue were sweet and kind. But when he used…

a time for everything under the moon — The Moon climbs trees who have learned from dead forests to hold her lightly, in open hands. 2. Green worms on green leaves. This endless sigh of teeth speaks a rain language.

Who’s evil here? I think I know… — I visit Providence Care Center, a “senior living provider” with a rating of average. I seek residents who have no visitors. I don’t want to visit the visited because I’m not interested in arrogance. I’m interested in sharing my powers of visitation with those in need, those who will not…

WARNING, sensitive material: my heart. — I worked at an art museum in college. One day, the director said, “I have a special job for you.” I was the museum’s Whatever Guy. As in, “Whatever we need you for, guy.” I wrote grants. I made labels for the art. I dressed up like Wyatt Earp and…

Age is wasted on the grown — The other evening, I was pushing my 3-year-old nephew on a swing. He noticed the moon and yelled at it, “MOON!” but in a friendly way. “It looks like a balloon,” I said. “It’s a BALLOON!” he screamed. So did I, then I made up a song: “We’re going to…

We teachers smell death from a summer away — You were the kid who loved reading. You loved it so much you wished someone would pay you to read. No one would, because Mother Nature and the Devil are at the wheel of this world. No one gets what they want. But you, a reading addict, ignored Satan and…

for those in love with life and dinosaurs — I stole a bracelet from my nephew. It’s one of those rubber bracelets that make people imagine you’re supporting a cause. You are. You’re wearing a bracelet. Which means that rubber loop is wrapped around your wrist instead of the neck of your local dolphin.